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Tom Loves Bonfires

Tom loves bonfires.

Bocce Anniversary

Over a year ago this now almost defunct blog dedicated its words the the forgotten histories of forgotten men, woman and inanimate objects. Today we celebrate a year with another story about our first post, Bocce! And what better way to ring in the spring with the consummate gentleman's sport of the vernal equinox.

This time we travel to Montorosso in the Cinque Terre area of Italy. In 1953 an epic match of Bocce took place along the shore of the tiny, but strategically important fishing village. Two grizzled, but kindly, older fisherman - Giacomo Porti and Paulo Dandolo had been rivals since their early twenties. There acumen for fishing had never faltered and the men, although in their early sixties now, had come to the end of their fishing careers. Ever competitive, the two men decided on a friendly game of Bocce. The games were best of 3. This soon turned into best of 5 and so on and so forth. The reason for this unreasonable end was the wager. The men had bet that the winner would be crowned the greatest fisherman in Montorosso's history and the deed to their respective boats.

Day and night for two weeks the men carried on a marathon match, only stopping for bathroom breaks and wine. On the last evening of the fortnight, Dandolo could take no more. We simply ran out of steam. As he folded in defeat, Porti threw up his hands and a great shiver over came him. He dropped to the ground clenching his heart and asking if anyone else could taste iron in their mouth's?

Dandolo stood their shocked and saddened by this unfortunate event. He decided that he would still give the title of greatest fisherman to Porti, but continued to claim he was the greatest living fisherman in Montorosso.

A Historical Note on the Sporting Life of Rush Limbaugh

"To a man that sticks to his ideals, the world is his."
-Neville Chamberlain

Very recently, Rush Limbaugh, "conservative" radio host and alleged "hate mongerer," has been rumored to be in a bid for a part-ownership of the St. Louis Rams American football team. This is not the first in Limbaugh's runnings with the world of professional sports. Limbaugh, a graduate of the Columbia Journalism School, and Rhodes Scholar, continued his studies at Oxford where he wrote his dissertation of the pragmatics of newspapers following the Watergate scandal and its impact on the public sphere. Here he dissected "nut" graphs and the logic of language included. After careful studies of numerous newspapers in the United Kingdom, Limbaugh would escape his studies and read the sport page and soon became quite interested in the Manchester City Football Club. His love for competition turned a former "anti-sports" intellectual into a hooligan to the nth degree.

Limbaugh took his love of sport back to his hometown of Kansas City where he became a post-game broadcaster for the Royals baseball team. Watching George Brett became his obsession and he painstakingly tracked and analysed the teams performance. Using statistical methods he learned in graduate school, Limbaugh created a periphery set of statistics to measure baseball player performance. Realizing that old statistics, such as Batting Average, didn't take into account the total offensive value of a player. He soon created Win Probability and Value over Replacement Player to analyze the Royals roster. With his new statistics, Royal upper management used these statistical models to create the World Series winning team in 1984. Limbaugh is credited with revolutionizing the way baseball is looked at to this day by his statistical insight and recommendation to Royals management that they no longer sign Latino players.

The Annals of Sport: Jesse Barfield

"I've seen a lot of 5-tool-players in my day, but none have the elusive 6th tool that Jesse has...guts."

-Billy Martin, former Yankees Manager

Born in Chesapeake, VA, Jesse Nathanael Barfield, became a mainstay in Major League Baseball for 13 years. Jesse was a three sport star in Football, Baseball and Track & Field at Royal Oaks High School, leading the Fighting Woodpeckers to state titles in all three sports. Although a highly touted track and and football star, Jesse declined a scholarship to the University of Virginia (who promised Jesse he could participate in both football and track)to sign a minor league contract with the New York Yankees.

After one year in the minors Jesse made the jump to the big leagues leading the 1982 rookie class in runs scored and OBP. It wasn't until Jesse was traded to a then struggling Toronto Blue Jays in 1991 that he became a household name. Batting clean-up and protecting young stars Joe Carter and Roberto Alomar Jr., Jesse played a large part in Toronto's first World Series Championship in 1992. Repeating in 1993 Jesse started a large decline in stats and held on for two more years (one strike-shortened and one injury plagued) before he hung up his spikes for good. Many believe Jesse should be a hall a famer, with a career .302 AVG, .361 OBP and 327 homeruns, and 3 gold gloves to boot. His numbers are in line with other HOF inductees of the era.

Jesse now is retired and lives in Charlottesville, VA where he owns a chain of sports-themed bar/grills named, Barfields. His youngest son, Jesse Jr. is currently a farmhand for the Cleveland Indians.

A Historical Brief on General Washington and Haiku

A pail of water.
Jack and Jill, up a hill..wait that’s only six…jack and jill, up a hill, ohhh.
-Andrew Dice Clay


In 1776, George Washington led his army against British General William Howe in the Battle of Long Island, which would be the first recorded campaign as the newly formed United States of America. Throughout the fall and winter of that year, Washington kept vigorous notes on warfare, personnel and his thoughts on the righteousness of what he set out to accomplish. Many of these were published in Mason Weems biography, The Virtuous Exploits of Washington. However, only recently has it been discovered, that Washington’s French liaison Tobias Lear, after returning from the Orient, turned Washington on to Haiku, which were thought to be rambling thoughts on the sides of Washington’s pages. These are currently being compiled in a memoir by Weem’s Estate.

Examples:

This war rages on
The Delaware awaits us
Lest my men fear death

They call themselves men
These French are thieves in our homes
They have not earned trust

Horoscope Monday: Sarcophilus

Sarcophilus (Tasmanian Devil, Leo in Western Zodiac) has found solace in the most inexplicable of places. Usually the center of attention, you have found yourself on the margins. Take this opportunity for inward reflection, it will prove beneficial during the Harvest Moon. A spiritual guide will come to you, beware a Macropus (Kangaroo, Capricorn in Western Zodiac), they will lead you to false conclusions. The forecast looks gloomy, bring an umbrella.

Horoscope Monday

Cinereus (the Koala, Cancer in the Western Zodiac) – Playful Cinereus should learn from some missteps in the past month and a half. Remember what you have learned, because you will be faced with the same challenges as your rising sign (Anatinus- the Platypus, Gemini in the Western Zodiac) will take hold of your emotions. Let a Chital (Red Deer, Sagittarius in the Western Zodiac) guide you through these difficult times. You will be tempted to gamble this month, weigh your options carefully, choose the under.

A Historical Note on Kosher Hot Dogs

"Two dogs and two warm-up cuts. That's all I needed."
- John Kruk

Oskar Katz, a recent immigrant from a small town near Prague, arrived in New York in 1890 full of high hopes of making it big in his newly-adopted country. Escaping the persecution in his native Poland was difficult, but Oskar found an even greater struggle finding a job in the alien, crowded streets of New York City. The tumultuous 1880’s were not a friendly time for immigrants to America, and jobs were often scarce, especially those that would pay a decent wage. Oskar finally found a job at a factory in the meatpacking district, breaking down the leathery carcasses of pigs, cows, and other unidentifiable hoofed animals. Excavation on similar New York City meat factories in the 1960’s turned up horses, goats, sheep, and several types of canines. Disgusted by the squalid conditions of the factory and the rank meat he produced for public consumption, not to mention the violation of his religious dietary restrictions, Oskar saved money for several years until he had enough to purchase a small building in the outskirts of Queens. There, he and his newly-emigrated cousin, a rabbi from the same small town, began the process of preparing cheap, safe meat for consumption by the growing Jewish population, and named their company “Katz Foods.” Their sausages in particular became extremely popular, especially their kosher version of the trendy hot dog that allowed these immigrants to continue to follow the laws of kashrut without having to appear to be eating “ethnic” food. Oskar passed his small company on to his family, who in the late 1940’s renamed the company “Hebrew National” in celebration of the newly-created state of Israel. Hebrew National hot dogs and meat products can still be found in grocery stores in and around New York City to this day.

A Historical Note on the Donut

“Ether and donuts are a deadly combination.”
-Hunter S. Thompson

Aside from the early pastries of the Amish, the modern donut (not to be confused with the doughnut) got its start in Philadelphia. In 1820 the heavily Quaker Philadelphia City Center was engaging in a general boycott of Amish goods and services. John McHugh, a Quaker and small business owner, was fond of traveling West to Pottsville for the country setting and fine Amish pastries. The sugar sprinkled baked doughnut was one of John’s favorites. John soon decided that a portable pastry would sell well in the burgeoning banking district of Chestnut Avenue. John set up shop and was unsuccessful at first selling Amish baked doughnuts. He soon revised his recipe to lighter dough and instead of baking the pastry, deep fried it. The intoxicating smell fell over Chestnut Avenue and lines started forming in front of his pastry shop. Knowing that if he advertised his pastry as a “doughnut,” anti-Amish patrons would not eat his creation. So the sign went up on his shop, “McHugh’s Do-nuts.”

A Historical Note on Riding the Dunes at Glamis

“Bo may know football, baseball, tennis, hockey, lacrosse, and the theatrical arts, but does he know off-roading?”
-Wendy Anderson, Glamis Dunes Riding Instructor, 1989

When one thinks of dunes, dunebuggies, off-roading said dunebuggies in 115-degree heat in the middle of the desert, and busting sweet wheelies on Gecko Road, he can only be thinking of Glamis. Beautiful Glamis, California, situated nine hours off the I-5 on scenic Route 78, becomes temporary home every day to migrant Appalachians (a.k.a. “toughies”), unemployed cable guys, women bikers, and the occasional hipster on his way to Coachella, all united by their love of riding the dunes.

The off-roading underground has long known Glamis to have the best sand drags around, capable of handling both the traditional dunebuggie and the sleeker ZR-9 ATV, but word has begun to spread throughout the last 18 years, ever since the release of 1991 cable TV flick “Gecko Road to Nowhere.” Former professional baseball and football star Bo Jackson, for example, is tacitly acknowledged among the wider sporting community as an avid, skilled rider and Glamis advocate. The release of GR2N coincided with Jackon’s rehab of the hip injury that eventually ended his dual-sport career. Required to spend his days on bed-rest, Jackson interspersed his watching of game film with daytime cable TV. After catching GR2N, Jackson determined to ride the dunes at Glamis as soon as he regained his health and stayed true to his promise, making his first trip east in the early spring of 1992. Starting with a second-hand quad from Raiders teammate Jay Schroeder (who himself had frequented Glamis while a student at UCLA), Jackson quickly graduated to an ATV and then a sandrail until confident that he truly knew the activity. Today, Jackson off-roads annually at the ZR-9 Glamis Challenge, always arriving unheralded but identified to those in the know by his silver-and-black helmet.

A Historical Note on the Chain Gang

“Nothin’ worse than the sound of the chain.”
-Sam Cooke

While the origin of the shackled worker remains unknown, the first recorded chain gang was the direct effect of the slave ship Lathamas, commissioned by the infamous Captain Isaac Jennings. According to the ship’s log, in 1794 Jennings set out on his third voyage by way of Barbados through the Granada Islands. Buying a shipment of Ecuadorian slaves, Jennings then set sail for New Zealand. Due to a weather system and rocky sea, the Lathamas changed course and arrived in Australia in the spring of 1795. Sea-torn and weary, Jennings soon took fancy with a local maid, deciding instead to keep his ship at port and try his hand at farming. Keeping 15 of his strongest slaves for himself, Jennings chained his workers together with his local white slaves, all hardened criminals and outcasts from England, using the shackles he harnessed from the ship’s bow. With his new method, Jennings was able to keep his slaves from running away, as well as allow him to beat his workers accordingly, with little effort. With the Australian drought in full force, however, Jennings lost many slaves to gangrene caused by the constant pull of the chains. Jennings returned to the sea in 1780, choosing instead to transport criminals from England to Australia, rather than slaves. The chain gang method Jennings brought to greedy land owners and prison colonies was most famously used in Botany Bay Prison, where European noblemen often visited, returning to mainland with their new knowledge. The chain gang remained a staple of prison life until 1955, when it was ruled an inhumane working condition.

Horoscope Monday: Anatinus

Anatinus (the platypus, Gemini in the Western Zodiac): The New Moon approaches this weekend and deals Anatinus a blow to the heart. Someone you trust will betray you – beware a Kingii (frilled lizard, Aries in Western Zodiac). But not all is bad. The betrayal will open a new door for you and the opportunity that will arise cannot be passed. Look for a Cinereus (koala, Cancer in Western Zodiac) to guide your way. You are in need of new clothes.

A Historical Note on the Brazilian Blowout

“It’s like the curls should be curly but they’re straight instead, oh my gosh I love Brazila” J. Simpson

The formaldehyde-free-foam-based-keratin-form-defining-anti-curling hair treatment, commonly known as the Brazilian Blowout, has been around since the early 80’s, but only recently has come into the public eye. (Keratin is the active ingredient in most straighteners which helps form the hard mineralized structure.) Started by Kathy Ireland’s hairstylist, Ribiero Paulo, in Aguas de Lindoia Brazil, the Brazilian Blowout was developed as a method of keeping a models hair straight over the course of a week’s photo shoot, without repeatedly flat ironing and touching up. The traditional Japanese technique of straightening left a slick rich looking line, while the new Blowout left the models with a more natural looking line, without the problem of demarcation (where new hair grows in curly while the remainder of the hair is straight).

Now common place throughout Los Angeles and New York City, the process of the Brazilian Blowout takes about forty-five minutes and can last up to three or four weeks depending on the three key elements of hair: Softness, Shininess and Silkiness (what Americans call the Nappy effect). The Blowout is a relatively simple six step process: shampoo, chemical application, blow-dry, full rinse, blow-dry, five minute flat iron. The secret to the Blowout is the chemical composition, which has been patented by several different companies, Bauducco and Havaianas (owned by Paulo) holding the most successful ones. But what remains constant, and secret, are the active ingredients in the fermenting process, where the keratin is infused with an array of lotions, natural Brazilian spices and anti-curl agents. Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie are reported to have gone through all of season 2 of The Simple Life on only one treatment and blow drying.

Wordsmith: The Etymology of "Dutch Uncle"

“Who do you think you are? My Dutch uncle?”
-Jimmy Durante

Ever been on the receiving end of a stern talking-to? Ever gotten a talking-to so stern as to prompt an elderly onlooker to remark, “He really talked to you like a Dutch uncle, little lady”? Indeed, the expression ‘Dutch uncle’, meaning one who admonishes harshly, rises only seldomly from the depths of the mature chap’s learned vocabulary, usually to the befuddlement of nearby youths.

The term, typically used in simile, first appeared in Shakespeare contemporary Christopher Marlowe’s play, The Massacre at Paris (c. 1590s), as a veiled reference to his real maternal uncle, Edwyn Gareth, who was actually Welsh. The English had begun to compete with the Dutch, Portuguese, and Spanish for land and spices as the Age of Exploration dawned. By the 1590s, the Spanish Armada had already failed, so the English turned their attention and hatred toward the Low Countries due to geographical proximity. With the time ripe for literary wordplay drawing from the rivalry (e.g., ‘Ottoman greeting’ for a surprise murder, ‘Mexican pizza’ for second-rate tortilla sandwiches, and other surviving examples with later historical roots), Marlowe seized the opportunity to take a jab at his uncle that he could hide under historical pretext.

In the play, the Catholic Duc de Guise—himself a caricature of cruel persona with artificial ties to foreign power due to the Catholic-Anglican rivalry—enlists the political alliance of his fictional uncle, Duke Philip of Orange, in quashing the Huguenot uprising. Phillip cuts an austere figure as Guise’s adviser, cautioning him harshly and questioning him rigorously at every turn until Guise becomes frustrated and orders the massacre of his adversaries against Philip’s advice, eventually blaming “the pressures and sorrows/by my Dutch uncle bestowed” for his frame of mind. How Gareth affronted Marlowe enough to warrant such literary treatment remains as mysterious as the circumstances surrounding Marlowe’s own death at 29. ‘Dutch treat’ also comes from this time period. Incidentally, the phrase ‘een engelse koningin’ (an English queen) also survives in modern Dutch, referring to spinsters.

JPedia First! Horoscope Mondays

A stirring discussion came about during the JPedia editorial meeting as we discussed what the true astrological framework is. We did a little research and found that the two main zodiac signs (Western and Chinese) came from a similar background but failed to take into account the Southern Hemisphere. During our search of peer-reviewed manuscripts we found that the Aboriginal Zodiac offers an alternate and worldlier take on the Zodiac. Based on the constellations (like the Western) the view from the Southern Hemisphere lead to a different interpretation of the constellations. Along with a deep reverence for all things equatorial (like the Chinese) the Aboriginal astrology is based in more level horoscopes. But, there are wild shifts due to planetary mis-alignment that comes during solstices and equinox. Using various sources we’ve put together Aboriginal Horoscopes. Today we look at the current Astrological sign, Taurus (April 19-May 20). In the Aboriginal framework this time period is dominated by Jupiter with strong influences from the Fire element – this gives us the Aboriginal sign, the Spiny-Tailed Gecko known astrologically as Ciliaris.

Ciliaris: As Jupiter tails behind the rings of Saturn, make plans to protect valuable assets. It is a time of great uncertainty, financially. You should keep in mind that the bending moon will protect you from harm, but others may be inclined to disrupt this. Be cautious of Crocodylus (in Western known as Virgo). With financial uncertainty a ring of hope comes from Jupiter re-emerging. You will find great love with a Macropus (Kangaroo or Capricorn in Western) or a Sarcophilus (Tasmanian devil or Leo in Western). You will become ill. Consult a doctor.

A Historical Note on Dante Basco

“Ru-fi-OOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
-Dante Basco

Children of the 1980s often find themselves wondering what happened to the favorite actors of their youth. Macaulay Culkin went from Kevin McCallister to Richie Rich, grew up to be sort of weird, and got married really young; the guy who played Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez became a firefighter; and everyone knows NPH went from Doogie to Barney. So whatever happened to Dante Basco?

Basco, who played the scene-stealing Rufio in the 1991 blockbuster “Hook”, vanished from relevance quicker than you can say bangarang. Readers surely recall that Rufio was by far the oldest of the Lost Boys; by the time filming wrapped, Basco had reached college age. The youngest child of a hard-working Filipino-American family, Basco’s acting helped pay the bills, but his parents never considered it a successful career, particularly given that older brothers, Derek and Darian, were both products of prominent east-coast professional schools and his father had put in his 20 years in the U.S. Navy. Basco matriculated at Stanford in 1992, dee-jaying under the Rufio moniker and taking the occasional commercial-acting job (Nerf Manta Ray, Sega Genesis, and the local Swanson Ford, to name a few). After staying in Palo Alto for law school, Basco returned to Los Angeles to become an entertainment lawyer specializing in arbitration for child actors. He still works the turntables on occasion, welcoming “Ru-fi-o! Ru-fi-o! Ru-fi-OOOOOOOOO!” chants and saying “You are The Pan” on demand to partygoers at Avalon on Vine.

Lost and Found: Spielberg's Goonies II

“Who the hell is Josh Brolin” Gus Van Sant, 1990 Vanity Fair Interview from the set of My Own Private Idaho

Cult classics such as Apocalypse Now, Critters, and Plan 9 are in fact, cut down versions of lengthier manuscripts. While in some cases, the remaining story lines are released, it often takes the screenwriters or actors own money to produce the movie, as Kevin Bacon so famously did with Critters 2 and 3. However, most stories barely make it past pre-production, most famously Goonies II.

Before Goonies became a blockbuster in the home video market, it was a failed B-movie attempt by Steven Spielberg, who began pumping movies out after his success with E.T. Only grossing 9 million dollars in its ‘85 release, Paramount pulled out of the sequel shortly before the end of 1986, and with only budding child stars left to produce, the movie was never made. What is known about the film is that in the spring of 1986 around 17 scenes were actually filmed by Spielberg, who pulled out of production shortly after, choosing instead to work on a script about an archeologist, named Indy. The story begins with the break up between Mouth, Corey Feldman’s character and Stef, portrayed by Martha Plimpton (who agreed to film only one scene as she was already working full time in Parenthood) and the budding romance between Brand and Andy, played by Josh Brolin and Kerri Green. The Fratelli’s in the mean time have escaped Astoria Prison, and are seeking revenge on the gang, whose story begins with Mikey, Chunk and Data reading through One Eyed Willie’s Journal; it is eluded that the ship was turned over to the Copperpot Museum, while each member of the Goonies was allowed to choose one item from the ship. Mikey of course takes the ship’s log, and discovers that another treasure had been left with One-Eyed Willie’s predecessor, Captain George Flavel, who turned over command of The Inferno to Willie in order to amass a new fortune, the treasure we find with Willie in the first movie. The story thins out as Data is kidnapped by the Fratelli’s while looking for clues at the Museum, and the gang reunites to find the other half of One-Eyed Willie’s treasure and save their friend.

After the success of the home video release, Spielberg attempted unsuccessfully to reunite the gang for the sequel. A mix of bitterness toward Spielberg’s initial walk away, and conflicting schedules of the now famous actors led to the movie never being made. Corey Feldman, despite his mixed career, has been quoted several times stating, that Goonies II: The Return of One-Eyed Willie’s Gold, would never be made. The story was bought by Konomi in 1987, and quickly released as a run down version of the movie, where Mikey must rescue all his captured friends from the Fratelli’s.

A Historical Note on the Pantages Theater

“If DeMille’s movies are art, then my building is the canvas.”
- Michael Pantages

By 1930 the first “talkies” (movies with audio-dialogue) had became a mainstay in the United States. These talkies offered a new form of affordable entertainment for the middle-class. Not all cities and towns had a Major League Baseball team, but they all had town halls to show movies for a nickel. As more of the populace began to frequent these halls, the upper class began to stay home. Not wanting to be associated with riff-raff and other unfavorable people, the rich decided to frequent the strongholds of bourgeoisie life – theaters for the lively arts. In Los Angeles, the Carthay, Ebell and Wilshire Theater claimed most of these patrons. Michael Pantages, part-owner of the Ebell saw attendance sky-rocket and wondered what kind of profit he could make by screening talkies at the Ebell. He did, starting with the Douglas Fairbanks classic, “From Here to the Jungle.” The upper-class loved it; the idea of screening movies in large ornate theaters, away from plebeians was a hit. Pantages took his idea north to Hollywood and built the Pantages Theater, the first of many ornate movie theaters to hit Hollywood Boulevard. The rich came down from the Hollywood Hills and Hancock Park to see this shrine to Hollywood. Charging $1 a ticket, Pantages turned a tidy profit, and lead to modern cinematic castles that turn up at malls across America.

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